From my upcoming book “April was Born in May.”
The other day I was rushing to the gym and fell; I scratch my knee, it was an ugly scratch. For a moment I made up a storm about my self -love and esteem.
Lately, I had gained some pounds, and I was trying to burn them at the gym, but not in the kitchen. I was not the same disciplined with my diet.
But, was it that I was being disciplined at the gym or, was it that I was punishing myself with hard work I didn’t even like?
Moreover, a bunch of nonsense “what ifs” flooded my mind. What if my sugar was high due to the overweight? What is my knee wouldn’t heal? What if I had an infection? What if I end up in the hospital? Big drama you’d say. I thought so, too.
The right question.
Whatever was happening, I decided to slow down for a couple of days, and finally, the right question arose. Why was I having this experience? Let’s face it; I was not honoring, nor being kind to myself. On the contrary, I was pushing and whether or not I wanted to admit it, not being mindful of my food was also a punishment. I had stomach upsets almost every single day.
But, where did this anger came from? I was angry because of the overweight because I couldn’t wear my favorite clothes. I was angry because I didn’t like what I was looking in the mirror.
First thing, I owned my anger, the anger was me, not the overweight. I decided to experience my anger deeply; I cried, I made a tantrum. I even ate a browny and felt angrier. I also learned this was old anger. I realized I was angry, not only lately but from a long time ago; when I was told I was a fat girl. That opinion was not mine! Not me!
I gave myself permission for being angry, and also because I’d purchased that opinion.
It was then when I could see the light. The miracle happened. I saw and accepted my body as it is with compassion; but also I respected it with love.
It was time to get started; I would allow my knee to heal, so I didn’t force it on the treadmill. My diet became a priority; I knew what to do. My body loves the plant-based diet with some fish and seafood once in a while.
I decided to treat myself with some shrimp. Pasta? No! My body said Shrimp grilled with garlic, Brussels sprouts, and baby broccoli. I listened.
“A glass of wine, dear body?”
“Yes, red wine, please.”
“Dessert, dear body?”
“Yes, two strawberries and a fig, please.”
That was a five-star dinner. I felt so well.
I fell in love with my body. I owned my overweight and blessed each extra pound. They served me yesterday, but today, then I let them go with peace and honor.
I thanked God for showing me the lesson and my worth. I am back to real discipline; I love that word. Discipline comes from “discipulus”, the Latin word for pupil; I am my mentor and my student at the same time. I am my devoted fan!