From my upcoming book “April was Born in May.”

The other day I was rushing to the gym and fell; I scratch my knee, it was an ugly scratch. For a moment I made up a storm about my self -love and esteem.

Lately, I had gained some pounds, and I was trying to burn them at the gym, but not in the kitchen. I was not the same disciplined with my diet.

But, was it that I was being disciplined at the gym or, was it that I was punishing myself with hard work I didn’t even like?

Moreover, a bunch of nonsense “what ifs” flooded my mind. What if my sugar was high due to the overweight? What is my knee wouldn’t heal? What if I had an infection? What if I end up in the hospital? Big drama you’d say. I thought so, too.

The right question.

Whatever was happening, I decided to slow down for a couple of days, and finally, the right question arose. Why was I having this experience? Let’s face it; I was not honoring, nor being kind to myself. On the contrary, I was pushing and whether or not I wanted to admit it, not being mindful of my food was also a punishment. I had stomach upsets almost every single day.

But, where did this anger came from? I was angry because of the overweight because I couldn’t wear my favorite clothes. I was angry because I didn’t like what I was looking in the mirror.

I have learned from real master coaches like Martha Beck, Barbara Huson, Deepak Chopra, and Theresa Trosky; it was time to apply the wisdom.

First thing, I owned my anger, the anger was me, not the overweight. I decided to experience my anger deeply; I cried, I made a tantrum. I even ate a browny and felt angrier. I also learned this was old anger. I realized I was angry, not only lately but from a long time ago; when I was told I was a fat girl. That opinion was not mine! Not me!

I gave myself permission for being angry, and also because I’d  purchased that opinion.

It was then when I could see the light. The miracle happened. I saw and accepted my body as it is with compassion; but also I respected it with love.

It was time to get started; I would allow my knee to heal, so I didn’t force it on the treadmill. My diet became a priority; I knew what to do. My body loves the plant-based diet with some fish and seafood once in a while.

I decided to treat myself with some shrimp. Pasta? No! My body said Shrimp grilled with garlic, Brussels sprouts, and baby broccoli. I listened.

“A glass of wine, dear body?”

“Yes, red wine, please.”

“Dessert, dear body?”

“Yes, two strawberries and a fig, please.”

That was a five-star dinner. I felt so well.

I fell in love with my body. I owned my overweight and blessed each extra pound. They served me yesterday, but today, then I let them go with peace and honor.

I thanked God for showing me the lesson and my worth. I am back to real discipline; I love that word. Discipline comes from “discipulus”, the Latin word for pupil; I am my mentor and my student at the same time. I am my devoted fan!

Monica Paul

Monica Paul

Author

I am Monica. I love to write and to paint with my hands or eith my computer’s hands. I spend most of my spare time writing stories, there is where I spill all the fantasy that runs through my wild and irreverent spirit. I also have a business, it differently from those who plan to open their companies; one day my dreamed job was lost; I was unemployed, frustrated, and in need for income. I started freelancing. All of a sudden I had a brand.

2 Comments

  1. Aurora Carlson

    Thanks for sharing Monique, you found such a great way to reconnect with your body! Very inspiring!

    Reply
    • Monique

      Thank you, Aurora, yes I did, and now I am applying this same dialogue with my body everyday. We have delicious, healthy foods, and my weight is going back to normal. 🙂

      Reply

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